I remember the exact moment I gave up. It was after my dad's funeral at the repast. I don't remember much about that day but I know there was lots of food. That's how we roll in New Orleans. Someone brought a pan of Popeye's biscuits. That's when I knew. I was letting go. That's when I gave up. Nothing really mattered anymore and I didn't care.
Being focused on healthy eating is exhausting when you first start doing it. It's rewarding for sure and that reward drives you to stick with it. But, at that moment, I had nothing left. No energy for myself or anyone or anything else. I lost my focus. And it didn't matter. I needed what little energy and focus that I did have to get through every day, to go back to work, to learn my new job, to manage my staff. I did it poorly I'm sure. I really don't remember any of it.
The end of February will make three years for me at the Gardens. Three years. I've gained nearly 30 pounds in that time. Lost all of the gains I'd built. I'm heavier than when I first started CrossFit. I've heavier than I've ever been. And the least healthy I've ever been. It's been...sad.
So, starting, not over, but again. Starting again. It's very hard. It must be done. The road I am on is not one I every thought I'd be traveling down. I'm 48 years old. The older we get the harder it is to do the work. But, I have the gift of experience to guide me and to encourage me. I've done it before. I can do it again. Patience. Trust. Remember.
It's hard.
Do the work.
Stick with it.
